<h1><center>Overthinking leads to Depression ?</h1></center>

Overthink again , think think think ..

PLAN A :
Recently , i met with my close buddy to have some catch up session and also to delve in further into the course that i wished to pursue in the future . I asked him about the ratio of the number of ladies in his class . So he explained to me that there's 2 batches of DNS currently . And a total of 6 ladies in that course . Sikit kan ? :o Ikr . He added that ladies don't wish to join this course as they prefer to work in the office . As for me , i'm different for them as i would like to prove to the guys that ladies can also join this challenging industry . I want to abolish the stereotypes that the ladies are not suited for this industry . I , don't like desk-bound jobs .

I wanna explore the world . It's time to step out from our comfort zone to learn new things . It's time to be independent . It's time to gain new experience . I really want to be in this course . But i'm sure if they will take me in .. due to my physical appearance . (p/s: as in .. im skinny ) How do i explain this to them ? I am skinny but my appetite is 2 times as big as an obese dude . I couldn't grow fat . I just can't . So right now , im keep myself fit . By joining Muay Thai , outdoor camps , cycling and be involved in leadership camps . To be a deck officer , you gotta know how to lead a group of people under you .

So , here is my PLAN B :

In case if i do not get into the course that i want , i'll choose to work . Save up my money and take up Seafaring course . Or maybe save up for marriage in the future ! Hahaha ! Here is my definition of being financially ready :

$500k (house) + $50k (marriage) + $5k (dowry items) + $500 (engagement ceremony) + $50 (makeup set) + $5 (BanMian meal) .

I WAS JUST KIDDING . But everything in Singapore is getting more $$$$ ! How can tahan ?!

And i've yet to touch on after marriage life , when you're gonna have kids , foods , clothings , the amount of money that you have to invest in every single thing . Everything needs money . If life gets tough in here with rising competition , i think i might need to migrate to other countries , where it is much cheaper . Compared to other countries , Singapore have the best in everything . But it's costly . So , you win one , but you need to lose one . You can't be greedy to take everything in your hands . Hahah . You get out from SG that have a good standard of living , but living in other countries , you'll have to gamble all of it . Get what i meannnnnn ??

Sighhhh ...

How i wish i'm able to express myself . How i wish i can be more open to people . Often , when my cliques ask me if i'm okay , i'll just say that i'm okay . My heart told me to express it , but nothing comes out from my mouth . ITS THAT BAD ! Even when the rest ask me whether i'm okay , i just have to say i'm okay , coz when i tried to explain something to my friends , they'll find it complicated to understand what i'm saying . Which can be quite demoralising for me . And , this is the only way for me release my stress , by speaking up to people . BUT HOW ? They won't understand what i'm saying ... I may bore you , i may annoy you , and i don't wish to disturb you or trouble you with my problem . In shaa Allah , i cant handle it by myself . Sooner or later , i may forget of the problem or the problem might be already resolved . So , that's how i deal with trouble in life . Not all the time we will feel down . Life is a wheel . Sometimes you're up , sometimes you're down . When you're down , just look around , there are many others who have a more bigger problem than mine , but yet they're still strong enough to face it all . I salute you guys . If only i'm as strong as you people ... I'm done for tonight .

Assalamualaikum , may tomorrow be a better day for me . In shaa Allah (':