Judgements

Judgements

It has been close to ... 1 month plus since school started. I entered the new school that i'm going to gain my knowledge for the next 3 years, half-heartedly . Why half-heartedly ? Coz i expect to get into my 2nd choice . And ended up , i get into my first choice . Oh my .. And everything starts to go topsy turvy .

Must be wondering why i put the current course as my 1st choice , right ? Look , back then when i had to decide which course that i wanted to enrolled in , i was busy with my internship with the company . I had no time to think about the course that i wished to enrolled in ( p/s: i did think but i did not give much a thought about it ) , not much time given to research on the courses online . So on the day that i'm supposed to submit the online application , i just think of the courses that i've thought and just place as my first choice , so on and so forth .

I totally have no interest in Engineering , however , i know it's not the right time to give up , so i'm just gonna set a positive mindset , in shaa Allah , i really hope to graduate from this course .

BUT !

Yes there is always a "but" , i'm just not comfortable with the grading system in this school . The students enrolled in here will be marked based on the class participation , so , let me tell you , i kinda had enough with all this ..? No matter how much i participated , it will always be a "B" grade .

Ofc you do not expect me to be a chatterbox in the class . It's the same thing . When one talks , everyone in the team listens . And when that particular team member talks , the lecturer will always be there . When it comes to my turn to contribute my ideas , where on earth did the lecturer gone to ?

*Tada*

Yes , kinda frustrating . I believe that a lecturer's role is to observe everyone in the class . But i have this concern , can this lecturer multitask ? If yes , yes it's fair . If not , then it's not fair for the lecturer to go table by table to observe those who spoke their ideas . And the teams after us (especially those members who have contributed significantly to the discussion) , when the lecturer came to the team and the unlucky member have nothing to say as they have already contributed their part earlier before the lecturer arrives , will be judged as not contributing and not active in class participation .

Membingitkan bukan ?

?.? I'm confused ?.?

Overthinking leads to Depression ?

Overthink again , think think think ..

PLAN A :
Recently , i met with my close buddy to have some catch up session and also to delve in further into the course that i wished to pursue in the future . I asked him about the ratio of the number of ladies in his class . So he explained to me that there's 2 batches of DNS currently . And a total of 6 ladies in that course . Sikit kan ? :o Ikr . He added that ladies don't wish to join this course as they prefer to work in the office . As for me , i'm different for them as i would like to prove to the guys that ladies can also join this challenging industry . I want to abolish the stereotypes that the ladies are not suited for this industry . I , don't like desk-bound jobs .

I wanna explore the world . It's time to step out from our comfort zone to learn new things . It's time to be independent . It's time to gain new experience . I really want to be in this course . But i'm sure if they will take me in .. due to my physical appearance . (p/s: as in .. im skinny ) How do i explain this to them ? I am skinny but my appetite is 2 times as big as an obese dude . I couldn't grow fat . I just can't . So right now , im keep myself fit . By joining Muay Thai , outdoor camps , cycling and be involved in leadership camps . To be a deck officer , you gotta know how to lead a group of people under you .

So , here is my PLAN B :

In case if i do not get into the course that i want , i'll choose to work . Save up my money and take up Seafaring course . Or maybe save up for marriage in the future ! Hahaha ! Here is my definition of being financially ready :

$500k (house) + $50k (marriage) + $5k (dowry items) + $500 (engagement ceremony) + $50 (makeup set) + $5 (BanMian meal) .

I WAS JUST KIDDING . But everything in Singapore is getting more $$$$ ! How can tahan ?!

And i've yet to touch on after marriage life , when you're gonna have kids , foods , clothings , the amount of money that you have to invest in every single thing . Everything needs money . If life gets tough in here with rising competition , i think i might need to migrate to other countries , where it is much cheaper . Compared to other countries , Singapore have the best in everything . But it's costly . So , you win one , but you need to lose one . You can't be greedy to take everything in your hands . Hahah . You get out from SG that have a good standard of living , but living in other countries , you'll have to gamble all of it . Get what i meannnnnn ??

Sighhhh ...

How i wish i'm able to express myself . How i wish i can be more open to people . Often , when my cliques ask me if i'm okay , i'll just say that i'm okay . My heart told me to express it , but nothing comes out from my mouth . ITS THAT BAD ! Even when the rest ask me whether i'm okay , i just have to say i'm okay , coz when i tried to explain something to my friends , they'll find it complicated to understand what i'm saying . Which can be quite demoralising for me . And , this is the only way for me release my stress , by speaking up to people . BUT HOW ? They won't understand what i'm saying ... I may bore you , i may annoy you , and i don't wish to disturb you or trouble you with my problem . In shaa Allah , i cant handle it by myself . Sooner or later , i may forget of the problem or the problem might be already resolved . So , that's how i deal with trouble in life . Not all the time we will feel down . Life is a wheel . Sometimes you're up , sometimes you're down . When you're down , just look around , there are many others who have a more bigger problem than mine , but yet they're still strong enough to face it all . I salute you guys . If only i'm as strong as you people ... I'm done for tonight .

Assalamualaikum , may tomorrow be a better day for me . In shaa Allah (':