Overthinking

Overthinking kills me slowly but surely ...
Every sickness have a cure (:
Only Death doesn't .........................

My heart feels so heavy and i don't feel at peace .. And the main reason for this is , my mind and my heart is battling in this war . Haha ! My mind told me to study , but my heart told me to rest . Exam is just around the corner . Sometimes i scold myself for procrastinating . It's just not a good time to procrastinate .

"Only me , myself and i can create how my future looks like"

As i reflect back , if only i didn't procrastinate during my secondary school and primary school days , i know would have achieved much more better grades . Landing up in Normal Academic stream with an aggregate of 176 makes me ponder , if i were to add 10 more points to my grade , i would have landed myself in Express stream . & i think right now , i will be in Poly .

T.T

Again , another disappointment when i received my N level certificate . Alhamdulillah for that , but i know i'm capable of achieving better results .
I passed all my subjects . Alhamdulillah . If only i put in enough effort in my maths , i would have landed myself in Higher Nitec .

My subjects | Grades
English | 3
Combined Humanities | 3
Mathematics | 5
Combined Science | 5
Malay | 2
Malay Aural | Distinction
Art | 3
When was this ? Oh , 2010 ! Hehehe ! My ELMAB3 was 17 .

p/s : If my Maths get grade 4 , i will be able to go Higher Nitec .

So many chances ! But i risk everything ! D: Procrastination at it's best !

I was promoted to Sec 5 , but i chose to go to a different path because i wanna try something new . I chose the route called ITE . Kinda regret , but well , we can't undo what has been done . I opted for a more longer path , so i could discover my talent and capabilities . I enrolled myself in Nitec in Applied Food Science . Realising that NITEC is more to hands-on , i asked myself this .

"Why must i risk my own future when the actual fact is i'm actually good in theory , but not good in practical wise ?"

I tried my best , and i excel in my CCA , Student Council . I was promoted to an Exco in WellBeing . Alhamdulillah . (:

But , i couldn't cope between my studies and CCA . I focus more on CCA than studies as i couldn't multitask at the same time .

So , i graduated from College East , with a good GPA to enter Higher Nitec . Hehe (: Currently , i'm pursuing in Higher NITEC in Information System Quality Assurance . Jyeahhhhhhh ~ HAHAHAHAH ! *Alhamdulillah*

My future , this will be my next step to enter Poly . So i set this in my mind , if i study hard now , and end up in a good course in poly , i'm going to promise myself that i will do my best in everything that i do . *pinkypromise*

My future , in shaa Allah , Diploma in Nautical Studies / Maritime Business , here i come ! :D

Amin !

#motivatingmyself

Randomly typing what i'm thinking and feeling right now

Feeling :|

Tbh , i'm not sure how to explain this feelings . And idk to whom i should vent my anger to . Idk what to feel . It's that feeling of tiredness . You get tired of everything . Sometimes , i just asked myself , where has the cheerful Ain gone to ? Where's my lame jokes , where's my lame questions ? I'm known to be the funniest , cheerful , lamest , naughty girl during my primary - nitec life . I love to laugh . But , I'm not sure what has happen to me , as it doesn't happens overnight . But i know , all this changes that happened to me comes for a reason . I may not know the true reason , but i'm always grateful for this changes . If not for this changes , i think i would've gone astray . Alhamdulillah (:

Thinking that school is gonna reopen next week , i'm trying my best to be physically and mentally prepared . Physically : NAPFA test is coming ! D: Mentally , test and exams is coming up . (: I won't put on high expectation on myself . But that does not mean i can totally forget about studies . I just cant pressurize my brain too much . Haha ! Weird right ? If i were to pressurize my brain too much , my mind will go haywired and i'll get sick easily . When i'm stress , i tend to eat a lot till my cheeks become chubby . Hahaha ! And .. i'm so not ready for school reopen . But i'll try to be more consistent and be more attentive in class (: In shaa Allah , Amin ! (:

He's sick . Lately he hasn't been in the pink of health , which worries me most . What I could do is to pray for him . It reminds me of the past . How much i used to care about my ex when he's sick . I'll be the one who panics , trying to ease his pain , just do anything for him . And now it is happening again .

There's a limit for everything . I know , i cant love people if i cant love Allah first . He's my first priority . In shaa Allah , pray for us (': Semoga Allah merestui hubungan kita . In shaa Allah , Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin !